i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
