Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
