if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
