omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
