he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
