Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
