so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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