I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
