Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
