You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
