So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
