Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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