I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
