I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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