I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
