Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
