been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
