Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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