he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
