i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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