I'm really into asian looking animals
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
