So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
