do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
