So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
