Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
