you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
