Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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