She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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