Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
