how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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