Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
