from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
