Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
