I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
