brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I think I died a long time ago.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
