i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
