just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
