Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
