Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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