she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
