I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
