would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Do vagina's smell?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
