he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
