at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
