you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
no. you can't hotbox the world.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
