I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
