i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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