my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
we made out on top of his cat.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
