my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
