My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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