Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
im holly from the hills drunk
this just has baby written all over it
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
