this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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