so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
