I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
