Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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